I miss my mother
Yet she is sitting in the room with me
I miss my mother
Though I can see her face & touch her hand
I miss my mother
But she can speak to me and laugh with me
I miss my mother
And yet she is here, in body
I help her dress, help her go to the bathroom, bathe her, give her medicine and all the while I am in this suspended state of disbelief
I see her trying to understand what I am saying, see her trying to find the right words to say, and yet she is still my mother in the physical sense
Her body is here
But my mother, as she was before dementia entered our lives, is gone
There are flashes of the mother I knew, the mother I look for, long for
The one with the twinkling eyes that danced when she spoke
The one who could share a story & give advice
The one who baked & cooked like no other
The one whose dancing lit up a room the way the music lit up her face
I am grateful to still have her, and still have those rare moments, but
I miss my mother
Yet she is sitting next to me